I love my husband. We’ve been through a lot together, and after a few decades of holidays, birthdays, vacations, and loans, we’ve also been through a lot of MONEY together. When we were first married, we didn’t talk about money too often. We talked about buying that bigger house, starting a family, or what we were going to do that weekend. Now this was a few years back, so the economy wasn’t sporting the same bumps and bruises it is today. We didn’t really worry too much about money because we didn’t think we needed to. All of that changed the day I drove home in a new car.

It was a sporty little thing, with cherry red paint, 2 seats, and it made me happy. I was grinning from ear to ear. I fully expected my man to be as thrilled as I was. That delusion came to a sudden end when he realized that I’d just signed us up for 4 years of car payments without talking about it. My response? We never talk about money. Six months later we got the news we were pregnant, so that little red car was traded in for a more family friendly vehicle, and we started getting serious about our finances.

So we learned early in our relationship that honesty is the best policy, even when it comes to admitting to spending way too much money on a new pair of shoes or a tool bench for the garage. I know the temptation is there to just let some things slide, because nobody likes an argument, especially with that special someone. Money is one of the most sensitive topics couples face. Disagreement over spending and saving habits is one of the most frequent causes of friction in a relationship. Truthful, frank discussion and mutual financial planning can go a long way to resolve the tension.

Budget: A dirty word?

Does the mere mention of a budget start your teeth grinding? For many, it evokes the same enthusiasm as going on a diet – in this case, a money diet. Begin by changing your focus. Agree with your partner to create a spending plan. Agree to review it and adjust it periodically. A plan is adjustable and should suit your lifestyle, not imprison you.

The first step is to carefully track expenses. Save every receipt for a month so you have a clear picture of your spending. Be open about your spending. In a relationship, silence is not golden.

Set savings goals.

“Pay yourself first” is the first rule of financial success. Agree to commit a percentage of your take-home pay to savings. Ten percent is a good place to start. Increase the amount as you can. Maximize contributions to retirement or 401(k) plans where an employer provides matching funds. Just think about those long walks on the beach and trips to the mountains waiting in your future, grit your teeth, and start saving that money back now. Trust me, time flies—you’ll be cashing in on that savings mentality sooner than you think.

Discuss big expenditures

Agree to consult with each other about purchases that are more than a specific amount (such as $200). Keep an agreed-upon amount of cash of your own in an individual account. Each of you should have money to spend on small indulgences with no questions asked. Agree in advance on what types of expenses are personal. For example, is a magazine subscription “personal” or part of your overall spending plan? Deciding in advance will leave little room for argument later.

Additionally, don’t criticize each other in public about money. Keep financial discussions private.  Review your plan periodically. Every year or so, sit down to determine if your goals have changed or if your plan needs adjusting. By keeping these simple guidelines in mind, you’ll avoid the type of arguments most couples find themselves in.